This One's for the Boys
This one's for the boys.
The 'hellions'.
The ones responsible for the dirty footprints all around the house and the throw pillows on the floor used as a wrestling rink.
The ones with soil stained hands from digging for worms in my garden.
The ones with Legos, racecars and an endless array of Spiderman toys strewn about the kitchen.
The ones running circles around me and being so loud I can hardly hear my own thoughts.
The ones that have exclaimed "Mama, look what I can do!" for the one hundredth time today.
Somedays you make me question my sanity. Okay, most days you do.
Somedays I'm counting down the seconds for bedtime and it can't come soon enough. I hurry you along at dinner and rush through your bath time, just so I can get to those moments of solitude I desperately crave. You ask me to read you a bedtime story and I respond with "Not tonight, maybe tomorrow" and I kiss you goodnight. I do all of this because those silent moments are so close and I've counted down the day to them, I need them. Because of it I've forgotten to live in the moment. I've forgotten my time with you is limited and future moments of solitude will be my forever reality, someday.
When you're tucked in bed and sound asleep, I have silence for the first time and it's in those moments of silence I remember, it wont be like this forever.
Someday I'll clean the house and it will stay clean and those pillows will stay neatly arranged on the couch, but at the cost of an empty home.
Someday I'll be planting my garden alone and wish I had my little helper who was oh so willing to go help his mama in the dirt.
Someday I'll be going through old boxes and I'll find that one with the endless array of Spiderman toys and wish I could see them strewn about one more time.
Someday I'll wish I heard the little footsteps galloping around the house with the loud shrills of excited giggles as you chase one another around me. I'll wish it was there to break up the empty silence.
Someday I'll wish you wanted my attention just so I could turn around and watch you do something silly (that was less than amazing, I might add) that made me giggle, even though I rolled my eyes.
Someday in the future, I'll call you and you wont pick up. You'll be living your own life where your mama, Spiderman and worms don't take precedent and I'll desperately wish we were in the times that they did.
I'll think of these things the next time I'm at my wits end. I'll think "let them be boys" because before I know it those 'somedays' will be here. I'll wish for the chaos that only boys can bring into a home, a chaos that is filled with endless amounts of love, giggles, bugs and dirty feet.
Keep on seeking light,
Alyson
